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Social media is absolutely flooded with quizzes nowadays. “What Hogwarts house do you belong in?“….”What kind of person should you date according to your astrological sign?“….. The real truth is that people are more likely to take these trivial quizes than they are to take a life-changing psychological assessment. Here’s a few reasons you should stop avoiding the MBTI assessment and take it today.
I have been on a spiritual and mental journey for the past few months.
The # 1 thing I’ve learned as I have dissected and analyzed my life: learning who you really are is absolutely terrifying.
It’s only human nature to automate your feelings and actions to just ‘go along to get along’. We are all guilty of it.
“Because we’re adults and adulting sucks‘ or ‘life is busy’. We just ‘get things done’ and don’t think twice about it.
However, to really life a joyful, happy life, you need to know who you are.
That means you need to understand why you do things the way you do, why you feel the way you do, what makes you tick.
Now, just to be clear: the MBTI assessment won’t give you all of the answers to life and make things suddenly crystal clear.
Taking the MBTI assessment is just one step in a long, long self-awareness journey. But, I think it’s a simple, understandable place to start for anyone looking to live a more authentic life.
I know that a lot of people wont take the assessment because they don’t believe in it or they don’t understand it.
But if the reason you don’t want to take the MBTI is because it makes you uncomfortable…. just take the damn test!
If you’re looking for more help on a deep, meaningful self-awareness journey, check out my blog post about soul work and why you should give it a try.
What is MBTI?
MBTI is the abbreviation for Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.
It is a ‘personal inventory’ that describes your psychological traits based on your natural choice between two preference pairs.
Basically, they are connecting your behavior to your pre-wired perception and judgement.
So, the theory behind the MBTI assessment is that you’re not behaving to a circumstance or event in a random way. You are reacting based on your hardwired traits that guide your reactions, motivations, skills and values.
The assessment asks questions that help evaluate the 4 key areas it focuses on: your favorite world (Introversion or Extroversion), your interpretation of information (Sensing or INtuition), decision making (Thinking or Feeling), how you engage with the outside world (Judging or Perceiving)…..
Then, they break it down even further into -A (assertive) or -T (turbulent). Basically, fight or flight.
So, there are 16 ‘base’ types and then 2 ‘sub-types’ for each personality.
I am an INFJ-T. Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judging & Turbulent.
We’ll get into that later… and I’m sure in a whole different post for a whole different day…
The MBTI Assessment
If you follow me on social media or know me in real life, you’ve probably already seen the link to 16Personalities.com .
I like their site because the site just works. It’s attractive, concise, easy to use and crazy informative to anyone who is new to the ‘MBTI World’.
You can also go directly to the Myers-Briggs Foundation site itself to take the assessment, but I site is a bit archaic.
It looks like a website made way back in the day’s of AIM and Napster. *Please comment if you know what I’m talking about*
Also, I think they charge $ to get your results….
Take Your Time
If and when you choose to take the test, take it seriously.
Don’t just flip through it like you’re answering a Taco Bell feedback survey to enter for a $50 gift card…
Seriously ponder the answer that is true for you. Answer what comes naturally, comfortably and feels legitimately in-line with your beliefs.
I also suggest that you find a very ‘zen-like’ area to take the MBTI assessment.
16Personalities is a mobile-friendly site. So take your phone or tablet to a nice place outdoors where you won’t get distracted.
If you take the assessment and the personality type summary doesn’t sound like you, re-take the assessment. I’ve taken it a few times. First I was typed as an INFJ-A…. but I was just having a really fiery day that day. I am truly an INFJ-T.
If you are really honest with the test and don’t worry about being judged, you should get it on the first try. But like I said, read the summary.
It should be pretty relatable if you’ve been typed correctly.
Limits of The MBTI Assessment
Keep in mind that your type is determined by an algorithm that evaluates your answers and plots them on a scale between the two type pairs.
It is not a genie that gets in your head and analyzes your brain.
It can only analyze the answers you give it.
It can’t tell if you’re lying and it doesn’t take into account for any mental or medical conditions.
So if you’re bi-polar or have severe anxiety, your answers may be skewed based on your environment while you take the test… or if you’re having a ‘good mental health day’ or a ‘not so good mental health day’….
If one of the questions ask if you enjoy being around people or if you’re generally a happy person, the test can’t discern that why you’re answering that way.
So if you are currently battling depression or social anxiety that is out of the norm for you, you may give the test an answer that fits your current reality– not your personal preference.
This can cause you to get labeled as an introvert, whereas you would normally be an extrovert, but your depression affects your social interest and you answer in a way you wouldn’t normally answer.
Research Your MBTI Type
Once you think you know your MBTI type, do some research!
I printed out the INFJ summary from 16Personalities.com and marked it up like a high school study sheet.
It was a highlighted, sticky-noted mess once I was done with it.
The INFJ description on the summary was pretty spot on, but I had to know more.
So, naturally, where do I go? Uh…. Pinterest… duh.
Now, before I have people with pitchforks and torches coming for my head, that’s not where I do all of my research.
It’s just the first place that came to mind when I found my type!
I gravitated towards Pinterest because I had read deep descriptions about my MBTI assessment type, but I was looking for smaller, more relatable chunks of info to take in. Like quotes, INFJ-isms and memes. Oh, the memes!
Anyways, once you know your type, scour the internet to find as much about your MBTI assessment type as you can.
Search how your personality type handles conflicts, what careers are best for your personality type, what type of people you should surround yourself with, what environments you thrive and barely survive in….
Of course, being an INFJ-T doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be with Hunter (an ENFJ-A) just because some blog or study says we wouldn’t be good partners.
…and just because your research says you aren’t very likely to thrive in a cubicle, 9-5 job doesn’t mean that you’ll hate it or your soul will die if you work somewhere like that…
Don’t go making brash life decisions because of your MBTI type.
Please don’t break up with your partner, quit your job or move just because your findings say that your current situation may not be optimal for your personality type.
Take the time to drink in all the info and analyze it with how you truly feel.
It is just a way to shed some light on why you feel certain ways and do certain things… perhaps things you never would have correlated or put words to in the past.
Find People Like You
I love seeing INFJ posts in my feed on Instagram. I may be having a down day or feeling self conscious about something. Then, sure enough, one of their posts pops up in my feed and I’m like ‘thank GOD, I’m not the only one feeling this way!’ (Follow them here: Classic INFJ & INFJ Connection & INFJ Woman & INFJ Things)
I have INFJ friends in The Secret Tribe that help me with blogging woes and over-thinking creatively.
When something happens or I’m worrying about something, I’ll reach out to them to advice. Since they process information similar to how I do, they are usually very understanding and I feel less alone.
Instead of allowing a certain circumstance or event allow me to tailspin into a negative, dark mental space, they encourage me to see it in a different, more productive light. (Something INFJs struggle with all the time, so it’s nice having a sound board that can relate and put things into perspective.)
Why Does MBTI Matter?
Like I said earlier, the assessment works on the theory that you are reacting not just because your brain says ‘DO THIS’, but rather because your personality has formed around a certain list of traits that help form your reaction.
Knowing your personality type can incredibly helpful for every area of your life. Careers, relationships, mental health, friendships, habits, abilities, talents….. even the way you parent your kids, react to it raining or if you keep a tidy house!
Learning I was an INFJ gave me the courage to start writing again.
Apparently, it’s common for INFJs to be able to express ourselves better through written word than spoken word. We are also more likely to feel job satisfaction by doing something creative and expressive. We also have a deep need to contribute to the world and help people. I’d like to think that my blog does all of that!
Knowing I’m an INFJ also helps with smaller things like understanding why I need alone time after socializing or why I hurt deep down to my core when someone betrays my trust.
You won’t ever regret trying to learn more about yourself, so just take the MBTI assessment and see what happens.
If you take it and it’s not worth your time, you can send me a hateful message and I will apologize profusely.
However, I don’t expect that will happen…
You are Unique
Regardless of what the MBTI assessment says you are, you are still your own unique person.
I know a lot of INFJs. Like a lot.
None of us are the same! There’s not a single pair that is exactly the same.
Ya know why?!?!
Your personality is a part of you. It does not define you.
You may have the same personality type as another person, but you have completely different world experiences.
Poverty vs wealth. Where you grew up. Physical and mental disabilities. Experiences in school, with jobs, with relationships, with friendships…..
Just because you both have a similar preference for how you make decisions and interact with the outer world… y’all haven’t lived the exact same life!
You’re just similar enough to be able to relate on certain levels.
“This Type Can’t or Won’t”
If anyone who says someone can’t, wouldn’t or won’t do anything based solely on their personality type…. run. Far, far away.
Humans are humans because of their free will.
“An INFJ would never cheat on their significant other”
I call BULL.
While most INFJs I know are deeply emotional, sensitive and loyal (usually to a fault)… but they are still freaking people!!!!
The MBTI assessment is about your preference for how to behave and think in certain situations…. just because you are an introvert doesn’t mean you would never, ever, ever dance on a bar topless….
Even if the only reason you do is because of liquid courage… it’s still not 100% impossible just because of your personality type.
Personality Type vs Personality Disorder
Any person with any personality type can suffer from a personality disorder.
Therefore, any person with any personality type can be a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath.
A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving.Mayo Clinic
Any personality type can be unhealthy.
So, you can be an INFJ and have a rigid unhealthy pattern of behaving.
Any unhealthy personality type is capable of anything.
Hitler was (supposedly) an INFJ, but so was Martin Luther King Jr.
While each personality type may experience the ‘early phases‘ of unhealthiness differently, an extremely unhealthy pattern of life is usually the same across the board.
For example: an unhealthy INFJ is likely to overindulge in unhealthy habits and impulsive behaviors, they are more likely to be over-sensitive to others’ comments and behaviors. They will focus so much on perfectionism that it halts their ability to complete every day tasks.
If they don’t get those unhealthy patterns under control, they are likely to suffer from a personality disorder (just as any other personality type would.)
Because living a perpetually unhealthy lifestyle will eventually cause mayhem.
True Traits vs Reaching For Coincidences
I see a lot of people in my groups trying to make insane connections with the INFJ label and weird crap that’s just coincidental.
“Do most INFJs tend to be afraid of clowns?’
A personality trait/assessment can’t determine that. Your previous life experiences determine that.
I personally hate clowns cause I had a bad experience as a kid…. but, another INFJ might love clowns because it reminds them of a happy, light, fun time in their life…
So, while I really find weight and value in knowing your type, I also highly suggest you to tread with caution.
If anyone tries to put all of their eggs in a ‘type basket’, they’re usually full of hot air.
I’ve actually seen someone try to say that “there are more INFJs that are Aries than any other type”
…. 90% of the responses to this post were ‘Nope…not Aries…’
Be open. Not gullible.
The MBTI Assessment Preference Pairs
When you take the MBTI assessment, your results are 5 letters.
These letters are a combination of type pairs that you lean toward more due to your response to certain questions.
So, what the test perceives as your preference.
Here’s a run down of each preference type that affects your MBTI assessment type results.
Preference 1: What is Your Favorite World?
I can hear y’all now: “WTF does that even mean!?!”
Basically, where do you get your energy from? Solitude or socialization?
This was the most important part of the assessment for me.
It’s Deeply Embedded In You
As a kid, I was always content playing by myself in my room. My parents asked if I wanted siblings and I said “No”.
I would go find a quiet place in the yard or go to the neighborhood playground and read for hours on end.
My parents sent me to a shrink at 12 thinking that my introversion was actually depression.
Even the shrink tried to convince me that no one should be that comfortable with that much alone time.
So, for 17 years, I fought my introversion like it was a monster living inside me.
I truly believed that I was the weirdest, most depressed shut-in that was too sensitive. Hell, I even questioned if I was suffering from some sort of mental illness.
If a freaking therapist said I was technically ‘wrong’ as a person…. surely they’re right. Right?
Education Leads To Self Love
Once I learned about introversion and INFJs, I saw the light and felt like someone healed me (even though I wasn’t sick or broken to begin with… I was just a freaking introvert!)
I slowly let all of the negative connotations about being an introvert fall away.
It was like putting honey on a bee sting. While it didn’t cure the pain completely, it made it bearable enough to move on.
I am absolutely aware that it sounds awfully dramatic…. and it’s because it is dramatic.
For my entire life, I was told that enjoying alone time was weird.
I was teased, taunted and made fun of by so many people.
I was even poked at by ignorant teachers… “If you spoke up, maybe you’d have friends to sign your yearbook a the end of the year.”
That’s just as rude as telling the chatty kid in class “If you’d shut up for a second, maybe you wouldn’t fail all of your tests.”
They have no more control over their need to socialize than I have control over my introversion.
While now I know that and understand that, I spent my entire life feeling like a social pariah.
Now, I know that I’m not the Hunchback of Notre Dame… I’m just an introvert.
Embrace Your ‘_____-Version’
Just as an extrovert would wear their extroversion as a badge of honor, I have learned to love my introversion.
I am comfortable being by myself… even in silence. I can entertain myself, I am comfortable with who I am, I am enough for me.
Please know, I am not dogging extroverts by saying that… y’all have your own pros to your extroversion.
This is just how I have come to understand and embrace my introversion.
Finding out I was an introvert also made me a feel a little less weird about some smaller, weird shit that I did.
I learn social patterns to avoid people & situations. Like if the chatty cashier at Circle K works Monday-Friday 8-5, I’ll usually try to go after 5.
I had no idea this is a thing other people did too. Apparently, it’s super common among other INFJs. Just another way I feel a little less weird and a bit more empowered.
Introvert & Extrovert Friends
Everyone needs to know if their friends are introverts or extroverts.
Like truly know, not guess.
So many people were shocked when I said I was an introvert.
I’m a social chameleon. I can be ‘Miss One-In-Every-Crowd‘ if I feel like I need to or I am comfortable in a situation.
But, by people guessing I was an extrovert (and also misunderstanding introversion all together)….. I’ve had a lot of turbulent times with friends, family and relationships.
Introverts need time alone. There’s no way around it. You can read about social burn out in my post about INFJ burn out.
So, it’s super common that I sorta ghost… or ‘go into hiding’.
Especially if I’m not feeling well, my bedroom is my den. I usually take a lengthy ‘me break’ if I’m feeling ashamed, embarrassed or hurt.
This isn’t to avoid anyone, but it’s a form of self-preservation. It’s a way to keep me from going bat-shit insane.
To other people who see me as an extrovert (or again, people who misunderstand introversion), I seem like a jackass who just ditches people to ditch people..
Unless you’ve done something wrong that warrants a door slam, ditching people just isn’t my style.
Spending countless hours in my bed reading, binge watching TV shows and writing IS my style.
I promise, you don’t want to hang around me if I’ve neglected my introversion battery anyways. I’m like Eeyore. Boring, overly sensitive and honestly a bit mopey.
Sorry, I went on a whole lot longer about introversion than I anticipated… but I feel like the MBTI assessment is so important even if you only look at the E or I.
Extroverts are a beautiful mystery to me.
They get their energy from being in social situations.
My dad is the extrovertiest-extrovert I’ve met in my life.
Life of the party, super outgoing, quick to make friends in the most unlikely places. He has tons and tons of friends and they all say he is ‘awesome’.
Legit, my Godson calls him ‘Joe Cool’….. my dad is that guy.
He rarely needs a break from social interactions. He requires maybe like 5 minutes of alone time a day (basically long enough to go potty…).
He enjoys ‘group things’. Like group trips, group projects, group events.
Extroverts are excited to be around other people. They enjoy getting others excited as well.
They feel comfortable and at-ease ‘in the world’. Like, they feel just as comfortable at a mall or school as they do at home.
This blows my mind…. but because I live with an extrovert, I’ve tried to learn to understand.
Hunter is an extrovert and I can see part of him start to wilt when he doesn’t get enough social interaction and stimulation.
While I don’t understand extroversion or how it works, I can 10000% relate to the feeling he feels when he hasn’t had what his extroversion requires.
Again, this preference pair is what comes normally, naturally, comfortably.
Everyone has a bit of both, but where do you gain your energy from the world?
Preference 2: How Do You Interpret Information?
It’s no secret that everyone sees the world differently. We all take in events in different ways and we all interpret that information differently.
The MBTI assessment categorizes it into two different preferences: sensing and intuition.
A sensing person will use their senses to interpret a situation, conversation, event etc. So, they will rely on snapshots of exactly what happened.
They trust their experience through their senses in that moment.
They rarely look to symbols, wording or ‘underlying’ context.
Someone who is sensing will experience events and moments with how their 5 senses deliver the moment to them to process.
Sight, sound, taste, touch & scent.
Those senses all come together to process the information and form a memory.
Sensing people have an incredible ability to recall things that intuitive people can’t remember… or maybe didn’t focus on.
Sensing people are more likely to have a photographic memory and remember every single detail of a certain event or moment.
I am 100% an intuitive person.
I remember situations & events by how they make me feel. I recall things by how that moment made an impression on me.
I read between the lines and look at the picture as a whole. I learn patterns, watch body language, eye movements, voice inflection…..
I’m pretty sure this is why social situations wear me out so quickly.
Intuition can cause you to bump heads or get hurt feelings over seemingly minuscule details.
I often find myself at odds with someone about an interaction or conversation and be fricking clueless as to what happened and why.
I’d walk away from a seemingly pleasant conversation with a pit in my stomach.
Nothing cross was said, nothing blatantly implied, but it still left me feeling unsatisfied, worried and sad.
For most people, this seems like paranoia. But for an intuitive person, it’s a deep gut feeling about impending doom that we can’t yet see.
I like to tell people that intuition is like watching a scary movie.
Dark, ominous music slowly fades in, the character is about to walk into a sketchy part of an abandoned house, something moves in the corner and the music intensifies.
Now, you’re all freaked out, ready to scream…. but nothing has happened. You’re just prepared and guessing what’s coming next based on cues.
Intuitive people don’t have a horror movie soundtrack in our minds per-se…. but we can almost predict things like we had a chance to read over the story line beforehand.
Talk about #spoileralert….
An Intuitive Example
One day, I bumped into my friend, Karen, at the grocery store.
We spoke for less than 5 minutes. Mostly small talk. She said she was grabbing some snacks for a night in. She said Tom was working late and the kids were at their grandparents’ house for the week. She made a joke saying ‘I deserve a glass of wine… or 5‘…. honestly, just a very casual conversation.
Or was it? Cause my brain didn’t think so.
“There’s something in the way Karen looked to the left when she said “Tom has to work late”. Also… come to notice, the kids have been at their grandparents’ house a lot more often lately… She’s buying 2 bottles of wine and a single serve oven pizza… Karen doesn’t drink… and she sure as hell doesn’t eat carbs. I wonder if something is going on at home?? Are her and Tom separating? Is she okay?”
A sensing person would have thought: “I ran into Karen at the store this afternoon. She said she was just getting some food and wine for a night in. Said the kids were at her mom’s house so she could have some ‘me time’ since Tom was working late.”
Sadly for Karen, my intuition was right.
Tom did end up leaving Karen for a woman half his age. He had Karen and the kids move out and moved the new teenie-bopper in the family home….
The part that makes intuition sucky is ‘do you or don’t you speak about your intuition?’
When Karen first started bringing Tom around me and her other friends, I wasn’t a fan. I couldn’t put my finger on why I didn’t like him, but he struck me as a nasty pig. His smirk, his body language… even the way he pronounced ‘literally’ made me cringe.
I went out for a girls night with Karen after he proposed. After a few drinks, I felt bold enough to awkwardly blurt out to Karen “I have this weird feeling about your fiancé but I can’t explain what it is…”
Clearly, Karen didn’t like me saying I didn’t like her fiancé…. so that was awkward… it threw a wrench in my relationship with Karen that never healed.
Even though I was right, it doesn’t make things any easier being an intuitive person vs a sensing person.
Whether I said something to Karen or not, I was damned in that situation…. and most situations that involve intuition.
Do you speak up or not? Is it more damaging to speak your mind or let things play out?
Preference 3: How Do You Make Decisions?
Before I knew about the MBTI assessment, I just assumed everyone just made decisions because.
I didn’t think there was any rhyme or reason as to why people made decisions differently… we just did!
The MBTI assessment categorizes it into two preferences for decision making: thinking or feeling.
While you can be a bit of both depending on each decision you make, this is decided by what comes easiest, most naturally and most comfortably to you.
Even the Myers-Briggs Foundation website says not to confuse ‘thinking’ with ‘intelligence’ or ’emotions’.
Thinking types are logical & statistical decision makers.
They look at scientific facts & studies, logical explanations behind events and situations.
They are base a lot of their decisions off a pro-con system with very forward thought.
Thinking types look at decision making as impersonal. They leave their own will and the will of others out of decision making as much as possible.
People who prefer thinking as their decision making strategy tend to be very task-oriented and look at things as black or white.
I hate the label ‘feeling’. It’s like ‘sensitive’ or ’emotional’.
People hear those words and think ‘snowflake’…. ‘weak’…. ‘easy to damage’.
When someone hears that I am a feeling type, they will assume that I make poor decisions because I’m only making decisions based on how I feel.
Feeling isn’t like “Oh, I am feeling sad, so I need ice cream.”
Feeling means ‘I will take everyone’s best interest to heart and wrestle with every possible option to come out with a fair outcome.’
It usually means taking all of the facts and emotions of the situation to heart.
I feel like my decision making skills are basically: ‘I did the best I could with what I had.’
People who make decisions this way are very focused on the final decision being compassionate.
Even if the decision is one that we don’t want to make, it’s important that the decision is tactfully delivered.
With that being said, we can come across as mushy…. or we ‘beat around the bush’.
We can also forget that sometimes there are just cold, harsh truths that need to be factored in to decisions.
Call it people-pleasing if you must, but I have always wondered why I made decisions the way I do… and why I usually take 2-3 times as long to make decisions about things than other people do.
When I make a decision that ‘makes waves’, I get incredibly uncomfortable and tend to shrink back until the shock waves have died out.
A Feeling Decision
Years ago when I was a manager, I had a tough decision for a new hire.
This girl only lived in the U.S for like 2 weeks, barely spoke any English. She had no references we could contact. On paper, this girl was basically un-hire-able.
Seeng as a one-on-one interview would have been unproductive and frustrating for everyone involved due to the language barrier, I put her with another employee for a ‘working interview’ of sorts.
It was a matter of minutes before I decided I wanted to hire her.
There was something that screamed “just take a chance!”.
She was kind and soft-spoken. She was patient with the employee showing her around (I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it had to be listening to someone speak to you in a different language while 30 dogs barked and jumped on you….) and she still had patience and compassion for the dogs.
Her husband and child waited in the car as she wrapped up her interview and she thanked me profusely for my time before she left.
My brain was like a pingpong ball:
- > This is gonna be hard for the other employees to train her.
- < She could be the best employee you ever hire.
- > What about liability because of the language barrier?
- < She went above and beyond for the working interview.
- > How will I communicate with her?
- > She has a kid and really needs this job.
It was a tough decision, but I hired her.
To this day, she is one of the most amazing people I’ve hired and that has ever even worked at this business.
So, to a thinking person, I made that decision emotionally because of the kid and I liked her.
However, I made the decision because I looked at it from every point of view possible. Me, her, the owners, the customers, my co-workers, the pets…..
I weighed it with my own personal values and the types of people that would be involved with her hiring and training process.
Hiring her would be overall beneficial for all involved. Even if it didn’t work out for the long term, it was a big lesson to the other employees that compassion and patience is invaluable. And it let her know that people could see her value, even if she was different.
Preference 4: How Do You Live Your Outer Life?
Are you structured and rigid? Or are you loosey-goosey and you just go with the flow?
So this isn’t “do you keep a planner and organize your bills or have a massive, messy pile”….. either type can be organized and tidy.
This is about how you naturally react to the outside world (basically when you’re forced to extravert).
You can be a bit of both and you can act upon both based on what’s happening. Again, this is what is more natural and comfortable to you most of the time.
I actually really envy anyone with this personality trait, because I think I would be a whole lot less stressed if I lived more like a perceiving type.
Side note: Being perceiving doesn’t mean the same thing as being perceptive. To be perceptive means to be innately aware of people and events based on quick whole-picture impressions of them.
To be perceiving means: to take in all of the information in the outer world around you and react to it as it happens.
Basically, spontaneous. Responsive based on events. Go with the flow and roll with the punches.
To a lot of perceiving people, plans are a no-no.
Which I 100% understand.
If you’re a go with the flow kinda person and someone invites you to some awesome celebrity-filled pool party, you don’t want to have to decline cause you promised someone you’d go to a movie!
You let life unfold as it happens.
So rather than planning a dinner date or movie date for the next weekend, you may call up a friend a few hours before and ask if they’re free!
This lets you keep your options open and you’re constantly available to new information and opportunities.
Again, I really envy this!
I am judging. ALL. THE. WAY.
Judging is another word that has a bad connotation for most people.
“She’s judging. So she’s judgmental. She’s the type to read a book by its’ cover.”
Judging and judgmental are different things.
Think more like a judge. Rigid, set in their ways, lists, rules…. a final, decided say.
If it helps, picture Judge Judy pounding her fists and shouting “I need your final answer! Stop changing your mind!”
Because it is related to the way we experience the outer world, someone who is judging likes plans!
So whether that means making a decision to go out for dinner or taking a family trip, it all needs to be planned and settled well before the time of the event.
Being judging can be difficult because to others we seem unaccepting of change or other peoples’ input for the plans… but as people pleasers, we do want your opinions…. we just need you to make the decision in a timely manner.
AKA: Don’t surprise us with a surprise party….
We can seem a bit neurotic or like control freaks. Just depending on if we use our feeling or intuition to help us make decisions and plans.
If we’re out at dinner and someone says “Hey, lets run for ice cream when we’re done.” I’ll usually be like “Yeah! Awesome!”
However, if we’re about to go on vacation and you decide to change the hotel and dates 3 days before departure…. I’m gonna have a hissy fit!
I do have to say that judging personality can be a real bitch sometimes because I focus so big picture, I forget the small stuff.
I can plan an entire beach vacation if it’s left up to me. But, because I’m so focused on the big goals and plans, I’ll forget my swimsuit, sunglasses and sunscreen…. dunno why. Just happens.
Perceiving people are also capable of mixing work and play.
Judging people have to finish all of the work before it’s play time. I set timers for myself so I can take breaks to relax and decompress, but then it’s right back to work.
If I skip out on work to play, I feel like I broke the rules. I’ll feel incredibly guilty for skipping out on work and I won’t enjoy myself at all.
Part 5: What is your internal identity?
So, like I mentioned earlier, the best way to describe this is ‘fight (assertive) or flight (turbulent)’.
You can be a bit of each depending on the circumstances, but again, we’re talking about your gut preference.
The assertive type isn’t the kind to take shit from anyone. They’re self-assured, confident and much more hardened to outside stressors.
They are more likely to shrug things off and see it as ‘it is what it is’.
They are more confident when handing difficult situations and approaching difficult people.
They can shrug off things like ‘eh…no big deal’.
So it’s no skin off their back if someone doesn’t like them or they say something that makes waves. (Again, this is the ‘typical‘ broad picture of assertive people. If an assertive person’s best friend starts to hate them or they piss off their significant other, they can act more like a turbulent person.
Assertive people are more likely to stand up against every day wrongs.
Basically, assertive people can send their food back at restaurants.
Me. I just hear the word ‘turbulent’ and I’m like “yep… that’s my middle name. Morgan Turbulent Jo!”
Turbulent people are more self-conscious and tend fall prey to unnecessary stress.
Success-driven, perfectionists and basically back-breakers.
We’re also a bit more likely to jump ship at a job if we feel like our life path is headed a different direction than the company…. or if we feel we’ve reached the top of the ladder where we currently work. (HELLUR. My past 3 jobs….)
I’m also what you would call an ‘extreme pacifist‘.
In the heat of an argument, I try to use the right wording and tone to lower the energy of a disagreement. I’ll try to diffuse the situation as much as possible even if I see zero chance of reckoning between the two parties.
I am also incredibly, insanely concerned with how people think of me. I know, I know. I shouldn’t. I’m working on it.
It hurts me to my core when someone doesn’t like me. It becomes a constant worry. I go over every word, situation and event trying to figure out why they don’t like me.
Which is 100% insane and I know that. But my brain on autopilot will absolutely torture myself with the ‘what ifs’ and ‘whys’.
Also, the 16Personalities website has a paragraph labeled ‘Worrying Too Much About Worrying Too Much’…. it hits it right on the noggin!
Basically, because the turbulent mind is always searching for self-improvement…. assertive people will offer the advice “don’t worry“.
Therefore causing us to worry if we’re worrying too much.
It’s basically the equivalent of someone saying “stop crying”.
You just cranked up the water works!
Turbulents & Imposter Syndrome
Turbulent people typically struggle with self confidence.
No matter how big of a hill we just climbed with how much weight on our backs, we always worry if we could have done it faster or with more style.
We feel like we are not worthy of the praise we receive from an accomplishment or a role we play.
With all of my job positions, my pet parenting, my housekeeping…. hell, even this blog… people say the kindest things ever.
However, even with as kind and lovely as they are being, the compliments make me cringe. I feel like they’re just putting me on a pedestal and I didn’t do anything to deserve their praise.
Assertive people usually get annoyed with me about this. “Dammit. Just take a freaking compliment.”
It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, I don’t feel worthy of it.
My friend, Gina, wrote an amazing post for Introvert Dear about imposter syndrome. Go check it out!
Situational T & A
Again, your MBTI type will only give you your natural preference.
I am a very, very turbulent person when it comes to every day life.
Someone will bump into me at the grocery store and I’ll apologize to them. If I am in line at the gas pump, I will wait way back so the person doesn’t feel rushed.
However, there are a few wires that you shouldn’t trip. Anything to do with my family, animals, kids, my country, my rights or my values….. I go from the nicest, most calm person…. to a relentless she-Devil hell-bent on destruction.
Like I’ve said 100,000 times in this post, every personality type can act ‘out of character’ depending on the situation.
So, just because I’ m usually a turbulent person, that doesn’t mean I won’t rear back and knock the hell out of you if you insult my mama.
Trusting The MBTI Assessment
Part of my reason for writing this post was to let off some steam and part was just to level the playing field.
A family member recently said some ‘less-than-pleasant’ things about me being an INFJ and what the MBTI assessment is ‘meant for’. They believe that it was only created for businesses to decide on who to hire and fire.
Seeing as I can’t argue with this person face-to-face because I’d be in tears within minutes, I figured I’d share this very long-winded explanation publically in hopes it can open someone else’s eyes as well.
I flat out HATE when people think “This is how I believe, so if you don’t believe it exactly, you’re an idiot.“
That’s basically saying “Your opinion doesn’t matter and I have nothing to learn from what you have to say”.
So, with that being said, I 100% respect your opinion if you believe that the MBTI assessment is a crock of shit or whatever.
Therefore, all I ask is the same respect of my opinions.
I believe deep in my soul that the MBTI assessment is a valuable self awareness tool that has helped me with personal development and growth.
So, whether you find your results to be life changing like I did…. or you take the test and think ‘hmm… that’s cool’…… or you take it and it’s ‘not your thing’.
Perfect. Awesome. Good for you!
I wrote this to elaborate on my opinions about the MBTI assessment and how I, personally, think it can help others.
What the MBTI Assessment Is NOT
It’s not a little fun quiz you take to share on Facebook for reactions like “LOOK! MY SOUL ANIMAL IS A PUG!!! AWWWWW“
It is not based off your birthdate or favorite color. It has nothing to do with your preference of Ford vs Honda. It isn’t what Hogwarts house you belong to, the year you were born or if you’re a northerner vs southerner.
The MBTI assessment is not a measure of ‘surface’ personality traits. It’s nothing that could be 100% coincidental like your astrological sign or if you’re an only child or not.
Even the MBTI Foundation has a page dispelling common misconceptions about the assessment’s efficacy and reliability.
Like I said before, it is a personal inventory of personality traits.
It’s an assessment tool that is widely touted in the mental health community.
If someone tells you their MBTI assessment type, you’d best figure out what that means to you as their friend.
It’s not like they just found out they’re Ravenclaw. Their MBTI assessment type may not matter to you. But it might matter to them.
Misinformation & Ignorance
Ignorance is another word that has an ugly stigma.
No one wants to be told they are ignorant. Whether someone saying you are generally ignorant or you are ignorant on a certain topic.
Ignorance simply means you have a lack of knowledge about a topic.
I’ll admit. I am ignorant about so many things! However, I am incredibly interested in learning.
So many people are quick to reject things because they are ignorant about a certain topic.
Because something is a new concept or because it seems complex, people fear it. They fear the depths that they may have to go through in order to fully grasp a topic, so they put a label on it and dismiss it. Human nature, I get it.
I did the same thing about religion, spirituality, philosophy…. so many things. In order to understand the topic, you have to research a lot and make a lot of decisions… so I intentionally stayed ignorant on certain topics.
As I open my mind and become more willing to learn about certain topics, I plan on sharing it with all of you.
I want the purpose of my blog to be one thing: helpful.
Am I an expert on anything I write about? No. But I’m not claiming to be.
I’m here to be a stepping stone to urge you seek more information. To tickle your curiosity and open up your willingness to learn…. and hopefully you’ll come back and share it with me.
A Final Word
I know, you’re probably thinking “FINALLY, she’s done!”
I don’t blame you for feeling that way. That was a lot.. and if you stuck through it, you’re awesome.
This post was written to speak to someone with an open mind.
I will still have people who will jump down my throat for this or that. Like I said before, you have your rights to your own opinions and I respect that.
I respect you if you came to this page 100% unaware of the MBTI assessment and now you’re open to trying it, if you were 100% convinced that the MBTI is a load of junk and you still feel the same way or if you read this and it helped you process your understanding of your own MBTI type- great!
I enjoy words and concepts. I love learning and sharing. Even if it only opens one mind, I’m glad I shared it.
Share your experience with the MBTI assessment below in the comments. I’d love to know your take on it and what it means to you.