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This is an old post that I had password protected for a long time. I finally decided to make it public because I thought it might be able to help someone who is struggling with the same thing.
This post is a cross-over between the old purpose of my blog (crafting) and the new purpose (emotions and self-discovery).
I think most of us that are drawn to crafting…. are very emotional beings.
As a community, crafters seem to make deep, meaningful connections on social media and blogs. We just honestly need each other in a deeper way than paint and vinyl tips.
I want to clarify that I am not calling my romantic relationship exhausting.
This isn’t about Hunter. He’s actually my saving grace.
The exhausting relationship I’m writing about is part of the reason I began crafting… and I’m hoping some people out in the crafting world can relate.
My entire life, this person has hovered over me, ‘suggesting’ how I should live my life.
Get straight A’s, go to college, get a 9-5 desk job with insurance, get married, buy a house, have kids.
They basically wanted me to live like someone in a movie does.
To this person, it doesn’t matter one bit that I want something else- something more for myself.
They think I should live for them.
They believe that I ‘owe’ it to them to become the image they see for me.
It shames them and muddies their ‘public image’ because I live a semi-unconventional life.
I’m not married but I bought a house with a man, I work from home in a creative niche, we have dogs instead of kids, I dropped out of college. The list goes on.
I knew I could never confront them with how I feel, so I turned to crafting as a way of getting out my feelings in a non-verbal way.
I can make something fiery red with anger and say ‘it represents love’. You have to believe me because I’m the creator.
When I create and make things, I’m able to get the feelings out before they burn me up.
After years and years of emotional abuse, I’ve fine tuned my crafting to be my therapy.
It’s like my mental nap after an experience with my exhausting person.
You may have someone like this in your world.
They are exhausting to be around, to talk to… hell, even thinking about them can wear you out.
They tug at every fiber in your body and even the smallest comments can rub you the wrong way.
You find yourself acting in a way that just isn’t like you.
Maybe you find yourself irate but you’re usually a calm person. You find yourself feeling embarrassed about something you usually have pride in.
They have enough power over you to change how you feel.
In my case, this person is someone I’m expected to get along with- regardless.
There’s always a reason that detaching from them is ‘unacceptable’.
“They don’t mean it that way”. “They’re older than you and they know better”.
As an INFJ personality type, I believe that anyone can be written off if need-be.
I will be the most caring, compassionate, loving person- until I’m not.
I’ve only ever done this to a handful of people in my life and they all had one thing in common: they weren’t genuine.
The most irksome thing to an INFJ is someone who is fake.
This can mean that someone fakes who they are on the outside, that they don’t mean what they say or that they have ulterior motives.
This person says that they’re proud of me, yet they think everything I do is reprehensible. They continually saying that they are impressed by my skills but they know that none of them are enough to make me a decent living. They claim to love their friends and family but use them as mere stepping stones.
I’ve just learned to cope with this exhausting person because again ‘it’s unacceptable’ to handle it any other way.
Shutting them out and lashing out haven’t been options.
So, I made a decision.
I am done.
I will no longer let them make me feel small or unworthy.
My work will stand on it’s own and speak for itself.
I will feel proud of the life I have grown despite their disapproval.
I will thrive and flourish.
Push forward and rally on.
I am removing the shackles of ‘you can’t’ or ‘you shouldn’t’.
I am unplugging the cord that gave them the power over me.
I will do all of this and be grateful that my eyes are open now.
I will also say thank you. Thank you? Yes, thank you. Because without the years of pain and shame I have felt from our relationship, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am now. I may not be as resilient as I am now. And I may not have found my therapy away from it all….
So you will see that I’m starting to shed my doubt, my inhibitions and fears.
Your life is what you choose it to be and I chose to live unbound. I decided that I am worthy and I am capable.
This life is mine to live. I choose to fill it with art, happy people, dogs, cats, squirrels, wine and crafts… and I choose to believe in myself.
Please send me an e-mail or message me somehow if you’ve ever experienced anything like this. I would be very interested to hear your stories of how you dealt with your exhausting person.