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I never thought I would be one to meditate. I am a very squirrelly, fidgety person with an over-active mind. So I never thought in a million years that I could force myself to sit down and just breathe…. but I’ve been meditating every single day for 2 months and I can wholeheartedly say that meditation changed my life.
I just want to go ahead and apologize to my friends who have heard me say this over and over and over again.
Once I found out how much relief it brought to me, I wanted to share it with anyone and everyone who would listen.
So, if this sounds like a broken record, I’m sorry. I love you!
Before meditation, I was an anxious mess.
I was waking up to anxiety attacks, I was worrying about every single little thing possible, I was physically in pretty bad shape and my relationships with other people were spiraling down….
I was desperate to find some sort of way to calm my mind, ease my worries and find peace… but I didn’t want to rely on something from a bottle.
If you know me, I’m a true believer of natural remedies.
If someone says they have a headache, I reach for my Eden’s Garden essential oils and lather em up.
Our house runs on essential oils, teas, local honey, epsom salts and basically anything else you can expect to see in a hippie shop.
But as my anxieties and worries grew to be a constant state of mind, I was reaching for anything that brought relief.
I was relying heavily on my Xanax and CBD oils to even get me out of bed in the morning.
I hated it.
While it numbed my anxiety, it also numbed my joy.
The one thing that was really keeping me going.
The joy of snuggling Hunter on the sofa after a long day, the joy of watching my pups run around the farm and have fun, the joy of spending time with my parents and friends… it was all numbed too.
While I wanted to squash the anxiety, it wasn’t worth missing out on my true happiness in life.
So, I went on a dig to find something.
While meditation was always something I had known about, I never thought that I could actually do it… or that it would actually help in any way.
But I finally caved in and watched this guided meditation by Aaron Doughty (anyone who reads my posts knows that I am a Doughty-Die-Hard).
I won’t lie. That first one was hard for me.
I went squirrely and started worrying about bills and if we had enough dog food for the weekend…
But after a few days of trying different meditations, I really found my groove.
I could completely quiet my mind, go inwards to my subconscious and work on the real things that were causing my anxiety.
After 2 weeks, I was off my CBD oil, CBD patches, Xanax and my essential oil roller balls…
I also did a lot of work with the label of ‘anxiety’ and how it was making my anxiety worse. If you’re a long-time anxiety sufferer and you are looking for relief, that post is for you.
It’s a lot of internal work and self-awareness… but hot damm it’s worth it!!
I can think of 5,000 words to describe me…. calm was not in that list.
I couldn’t even sit on the sofa and watch a movie without feeling the need to fidget, clean, write, draw….
While, sometimes I just did it because I enjoyed doing it… sometimes, I was just in full-blown crisis mode and I had to do something to keep me busy.
Meditation has given me a sense of calmness and stillness that I have never had in my entire life.
If I find myself feeling restless or anxious, I breathe a few times, feel my heart center and tell myself that it is okay to rest and be still.
Practicing meditation allows you to actually connect with your feelings and be able to identify them.
Before meditation, I would feel a pull at my gut and immediately think it was anxiety and my body would go into ‘fight or flight’ mode…
But by bringing calmness and stillness into my mind, I have been able to evaluate my feelings instead of my knee-jerk reaction of calling them ‘anxiety’.
Sometimes it’s not anxiety, but it’s excitement… or love… or joy.
Being able to truly identify my feelings, I am more comfortable feeling the feelings... and I’ve noticed that I feel more good feelings than bad feelings.
Meditation lets you calm your mind, rest, recharge… so when you do get up to go, you’re not half-assing it.
If I’m being 100% honest, my blogging efforts before meditation were pretty piss-poor.
It would take me a day to come up with a topic and an outline. Another 2-3 days to write it and 2-3 days to get the social media blast out to get it seen.
I was writing 4 posts a month…. less than some part-time bloggers write!
Not because I wasn’t trying to get the words out. I still logged a full 8 hours a day at the computer… but nothing was coming out.. and what I did get was pure garbage.
I was writing on topics I wasn’t super passionate about… and I was just trying to make the algorithm happy.
Since I’ve been meditating, I’ve been compiling a huge list of topics I want to write about and outlines and quotes and visual ideas… it’s honestly piling up faster than my poor little fingers can type!
Sure, some of it is a bit more esoteric and ‘out there’.
(I think some of my Facebook friends think I’ve gone off the deep end…)
But I don’t care!
I’m writing with passion again and I couldn’t feel better about it!
I’d love to know what part of meditation unlocks the creativity and helps to get things flowing again… but I’ll be honest.
I don’t care what it is as long as it keeps me in this flow state.
Oh! And I’ve been practicing hand-lettering again… which is something I always wanted to do, but my anxiety was like ‘don’t even try, you’re gonna suck!’
Suck it anxiety, I’m writing all kinds of fancy things now!
I have never had patience.
Never. Ever. My entire life.
I was the kid that dug into the cookies in the car before we could get home. I was the teen that wanted my yearbook the second I could get it. I was the adult that sits at the front door waiting for an Amazon package.
And I wasn’t patient with myself either.
“Hurry up.”… “That’s not perfect.”… “Do that faster.”
Ugh. Talk about pressure.
Meditation has caused me to slow down in every aspect of my life.
Breathe. Enjoy this moment. Take in all of your surroundings. Be grateful to be alive in this very moment. Be excited for what’s to come, but drink in every second of the present.
I know this entire post sounds like I’m some rainforest child named ‘Flower’ or something. I get it.
But I was a true mental disaster before meditation… and now I’m able to enjoy the small things like a candle or a soft pillow….
And learning to be patient with myself has been the most healing, lovely experience I’ve ever had in my life.
Being able to tell myself “I understand you need a minute to calm down, process things and then we’ll get back to the grind…”
That, to me, is the real definition of peace.
Being able to be kind to yourself.
In January, my health took a pretty sharp downward spiral.
I was riddled with anxiety and it sent me into a fibro-flare from hell.
My heart rate was through the roof 24/7 (even when I was sleeping), I hurt all over, my hair was falling out, my skin was a wreck and I was getting fat.
I kept joking and saying “Is this what getting old feels like?”
And everyone around me was like “No. You’re 30. Not 60. You need to do something about this!”
I got on meds and it helped a little bit. I started doing gentle yoga routines in my yoga sling. I cleaned up my diet and tried to go to bed a bit earlier.
Which all really helped, but I was still struggling like hell to just survive.
We all know that stress does awful things to the body, but I had no idea how bad it could possibly be. I had piled so much unnecessary stress on my body that my body had begun to break down.
This is probably the main reason that I think meditation changed my life…. because my body feels good again.
Yeah, I still hurt and sometimes I get flares… but I am 95% better than I was in January.
Slowly, but surely, my body began to relax.
My tense muscles began to loosen, my TMJ went from severe to moderate, my heart rate returned to normal levels and my fibro-fog lifted.
Meditation helped me turn my pain into power.
Because I knew I had made it through some incredibly dark, painful days… but as the pain and darkness lifted, I realized my strength.
Not only my strength to endure the pain, but the strength to pull myself out of it.
Think of it this way: you can not live a physically peaceful life unless you’re living a mentally peaceful life.
(Esoteric side note: since beginning meditating and going on my spiritual journey, my appetite has dramatically changed. I only crave healthy foods, water and everything in moderation. I’ve dropped 17 pounds in 2 months. Weight I’ve been trying to lose for three years!)
Most meditation videos will tell you to find your heart center and fill it with love.
Which is the weirdest thing to say, let alone try to do.
But…. when you put your attention in your heart, you’re calling attention to your life source.
Then, when you fill it with feelings of love, you are changing every cell in your body.
Learning how to do this changed how I love.
Which is yet another weird thing to say… but hear me out…
Before meditation, when I told Hunter “I love you”, it was different. I meant it, I said it and it was true.
Now, those words evoke a strong emotion in my heart.
When I say “I love you”, it takes my breath away because I’ve learned how to feel love so deeply within my heart center.
It has changed everything for me.
I see my dogs chewing on a bone and I feel a deep feeling of love. I see my neighbors playing with their kids and I feel a deep feeling of love. I see my comfy bed or closet full of clothes and I feel a deep feeling of love.
I feel love everywhere I look.
… and when you feel that much love, your life changes dramatically.
Meditation has taught me so much and released so much negativity from my life that it spilled over into things I didn’t know it could effect.
Before meditation, I was wound up tight.
Full of anger, frustration and worries about things I truly could not change.
People who had wronged me, things I had done wrong, the ugliness in the world… it all swallowed me and my brain.
But one of the things Aaron said in one of his meditation videos was “People can only react on their current awareness and state of consciousness“.
That hit me hard and really stuck with me.
So, the friend who wronged me only did so because of their current state of consciousness. My error in judgement in the past was only based on my current awareness at the time.
This allowed be to begin forgiving.
Forgive others for the transgressions and forgive myself for things I wish I had done differently.
I never knew how healing the power of forgiveness was until I started to let go of things I had buried way deep down in my soul and covered up.
This video is great if you’re seeking forgiveness in your life. It feels a little bit weird to do this meditation at first… but give it a few minutes.
Again, I know it’s a little esoteric and I’m sure a few of y’all are thinking “oooookay whackadooo”….
If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing! I’m just sharing my experience!
What’s Your Experience With Meditation?
I’d love to hear your experiences with meditation.
Do you like it? What’s your favorite meditation tapes?
Is it not your thing?
So make sure to comment down below! (And follow me on social media!)