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Soul work. Self realization, self awakening, self reflection, self realization, self growth, self development, self preservation…. it’s all about self. Not in a conceited way, but in a curious way. It’s about connecting soul and self.

What Is A Soul?

First of all, I’m going to guess some readers are like ‘WAIT! First, what is a soul?‘. Honestly, I don’t know. Every religion, book, blog has a different opinion on what ‘soul’ means. Do some research and figure out what the word ‘soul’ means to you.

Soul means ‘the real me’ to me. My energy, my deepest self…. basically who I would be if I didn’t have any external influences on me.

You are not you because of how much you weigh, what age you are or what color hair you have. You are not the clothes you wear, the car you drive, the job you have, the places you’ve been, you are not even your name or ‘mother of 2’.

You‘ are something much deeper… and it’s something that many of us never take the time to find.

What Is Soul Work?

So, my understanding of soul work is making a connection with you and your soul…. but, of course, everyone is going to see this differently…

A lot of people call it a ‘life audit’ or ‘spiritual personal development’. Use whatever wording you like. I like ‘soul work’ because I feel like I am working on letting my soul have peace.

I think an important part of soul work is to look at yourself in every different light possible. As a human being, a spouse, a parent, a friend, an employee, a citizen, a neighbor, a stranger, a pet-parent….. you are going to evaluate who you really are and how you feel about who you are.

Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness, will we discover the infinite power of our own light.

Brene Brown

You are trying to learn you. You are trying to deeply understand your thoughts, beliefs and actions.

Basically, it’s a massive self reality check.

As you can guess, it’s a lot of work…. and it’s not always pretty. But, I wholeheartedly think that it’s something that everyone should try.

Why Do Soul Work?

Why not?

Do it to learn about yourself. To feel more alive. To be more genuine and in touch with yourself. Do soul work to maximize your potential. To get the most out of life.

Do soul work so you can learn to accept yourself. To learn that you are enough! Do it so you stop comparing yourself to other people.

Do soul work to calm your inner voice. To change your inner critic to become your biggest fan. Do soul work so you can learn to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

Do it because you’re curious and interested in you.

Think about how many countless hours you waste on other people and things that don’t deserve your time.

Social media, idle gossip, pop culture.

Learn to take a few of those minutes back each day to learn about and focus on yourself.

You deserve it.

FYI: Soul Work Doesn’t Make You Better Than Anyone Else

I can already hear the critics shouting me down and calling me a pretentious brat.

“This girl thinks she’s better than everyone else just because she ‘thought’ about her life.”

Nope. Not one bit.

You do you, boo boo.

This isn’t an attempt to be ‘above’ anyone. If anything, it has been a very humbling experience.

I’ve looked at my life under a microscope and from outer space. I’ve evaluated every decision, event, circumstance….

Trust me. I don’t think I’m all that and a bag of potato chips.

I’ve basically taken 6 months to tear my life down into tiny pieces then try to build it back together in a way that better reflects my soul.

Call me crazy, call me a hippie, call me a sensitive mess…. I’m a bit of all of the above. But I’m also really starting to like who I’m becoming… so take from that what you will.

Soul Searching Before Soul Work

I think soul searching and soul work are two very different things.

Soul searching is like sticking your hand in a bag of adjectives about yourself and grabbing a handful. Basically it’s turning off your brain’s auto-pilot and spending a little time figuring out who you are.

Soul work is connecting your findings from soul searching with your actual soul. Deciding if your actions and thoughts are in tune with the ‘inner you’… the real you.

So, before you move along to soul work, you need to do what I did. Do some honest, serious soul searching….and you have to start at the very beginning.

Think about your childhood. How you were raised, what you enjoyed doing, what kind of friends you had, how much time you spent alone, how you got along with your parents and siblings.

Soul searching and soul work both require you to look at every year, every minute, every conversation and event. It means breaking down your reactions, your motivations… it means dissecting your own brain.

Who are you? What do you believe? Where are your priorities? How do you act?

This part is just freaking ugly. No matter if you’re a good person or a total d-bag, looking at your life through a microscope is going to suck.

My Soul Searching Journey

I began my soul work journey after I started experiencing some intense medical issues in January.

I truly believe that disease is caused when a body is not at ease…dis-ease. If you’ve ever seen ‘The Secret‘, you know what I mean. If you haven’t read or watched ‘The Secret‘, you need to read my blog post about the Law of Attraction.

As part of my therapy and recovery from my medical issues, I decided to work on my mind and my soul as well.

I personally use soul work as a way to recover from my failing mental health.

My inner self talk became extremely abusive and negative.

Crippling anxiety came hand-in-hand with my medical condition. My anxiety was a degrading and hateful voice that followed me everywhere. It was so intrusive and hurtful that I didn’t like being alone anymore.

I’m an INFJ, so I usually love my alone time. Realizing this shift forced me to look at who I had become.

Out of desperation for peace and sanity, I sat down and wrote about myself.

I started by writing about myself in the same way that I would develop a character in a story. I wrote about my physical appearance, my daily life, my friendships and relationships with people in my life.

I started shallow and then dug deeper. I wrote about every aspect of me…. it was unbearably uncomfortable.

I also took a bunch of psychological assessments like MBTI and Enneagram. I even bought Tarot cards and learned how to read deeper into my subconscious….

I searched for writing prompts to learn your true self, I watched self-help videos and listened to self discovery podcasts.

After about 2-3 months, I felt satisfied with my soul searching. I got a pretty damn good picture of who I am, why I act the way I do, what I enjoy, what I hate…. I learned every pro and con to myself as a person.

… and it was incredibly exhausting… and the real work hadn’t even begun…

Soul Work Warnings

#1: You can be authentic but still benefit from soul work

When you start soul searching, you will feel like such a fake and a phony.

“So if I’m digging down to find the ‘real’ me…. So does that mean that ‘me’ is absolute bullshit?”

No. The current you is a result of you not living by your soul. So, it is really you…. but the real you is disconnected from your soul…. I know that sounds wonky and confusing. I’ll explain it better in a bit.

#2: Don’t break down. You need to stay focused.

As you chronicle your life…. don’t get down on yourself.

The purpose of soul work is to learn, correct and love.

The end result of soul work is to love yourself and live a more complete life.

You cannot love yourself if you are kicking yourself for certain circumstances and events. They are a part of you. Always.

Touch base with those feelings you feel, validate them, learn from them and check them off as ‘handled and improved‘.

A big part of soul work is forgiving yourself for being unaligned with your soul. It’s letting yourself drop some of the weight and guilt you’ve carried by deciding to live a more purposeful life.

So don’t dwell. It’s important that you let these moments serve as a learning lesson and then let them go.

Focus on the good behaviors and good times that you want to replicate more often in your life. The more you focus on the good, the more you will experience good in all aspects of your life (again… you really need to read about The Law of Attraction if you’re into this type of self help).

#3: Be patient with yourself. Your soul is shy…

Most of us keep our soul buried. It doesn’t live in our primary lives and we don’t navigate our lives by our soul.

We go through situations that make us feel like our soul needs to be guarded and heavily protected.

So, our soul lives somewhere deep down in us that we usually only consult for heavy things… life changing decisions and such.

Sometimes, our soul pops out unexpectedly… like when we see that damned SPCA commercial (thanks a lot Sarah McLachlan) or we see a friend’s newborn baby.

Once you do a little soul work, you’ll come to realize how deep down you’ve buried your soul.

My soul was pretty deep down and I had awful control over it….because I wasn’t connected to it at all.

I would cry for days about hitting a squirrel with my truck, hurt for weeks about a harshly worded text or awkward encounter with a friend.

No matter how deep I buried my soul, it was still so easy to damage.

I quickly realized that burying my soul and protecting it wasn’t the way to go. It wasn’t keeping it safe.

Burying my soul was just sheltering it like a protective mother shelters her kids from the sun. If they’re never exposed to healthy amounts of sun (with protection, of course)… they’ll be twice as vulnerable to sun damage.

Finding Your Soul

This isn’t easy and it’s not an exact science.

Like I said, everyone sees their soul as something different, so not everyone will connect with the soul in the same way.

I had a tough time breaking through to find my soul. I dunno if it’s cause I’m an INFJ and I’ve worn so so so many masks in my lifetime, or maybe because it was wellllllll past time to connect with my true self.

Regardless, you’ll have to find what works for you… and don’t give up.

It’s legitimately the most frustrating thing I’ve done in my entire life.

I tried meditation, sitting in the yard, hot baths, yoga, long walks, hikes…. nothing would shut up my chatty brain so I could hear what my soul had to say.

In the middle of meditation, I’d think “Oh crap! Did I mail the mortgage payment?”….. Mid-stretch in yoga and my brain is like “Courtney’s mad at you… I just know it”.

Your brain may be easier to quiet than mine. I’m an anxious, over-thinking, burnt out mess. (I highly suggest you read my post about INFJ burn out if you feel the same way.)

What Worked For Me

I eventually found my happy place and a method that worked for me.

I laid in bed with everything electronic off, got under the covers (and weighted blanket- read here why you need one) and got myself comfy.

I did what I call a ‘flex up’ to relax my body.

Not that kind of flex… but how stinking cute is he?!?!

Basically, you start at your toes and flex every part of your body till you can’t flex any longer. So you squeeze your toes till you can’t anymore. Then flex your feet, then your calfs, thighs…. ya get me?

Then I would say the alphabet in my head until I got annoyed with it. Yes, I’m aware that this is a strange way… not a clue how to I discovered that this worked for me.

Once my body and mind were just done, I pondered upon a few questions and listened to my soul’s response.

I truly feel like your soul is the first one to hop up with an answer. Sometimes, its not the answer you like…. and it damn sure isn’t always the ‘accepted’ answer. But it’s the answer that resonates with your true self.

This is going to make you feel like you’re insane. But, you’ll begin to question everything once you get on a roll.

Soul Work Areas

Since it is such a personal, wandering journey, no two people will experience it the same.

But I wanted to share my journey in case you needed a bit more context about what soul work requires you to do.

Here’s some questions I asked myself and why I felt like they were important.

Faith & Spirituality

Do I believe in a religion? What religion do I believe? Do I believe this way because my family taught me to believe this? Can I look at this religion as it is practiced and apply it to my life path? Are there any discrepancies between what my religion believes and what my soul believes?

I think that whether you are religious or not, you need to do some soul searching about your thoughts on faith & spirituality first.

This is the building block behind everything you’re going to work on…

So if you are a Christian, then make sure that your soul aligns up with the principles of Christianity.

Look at the Bible and the cornerstones of your specific religion. Map out what a life lived truly in that religion looks like. Then you need to make sure that you are living (or willing to live) accordingly.

Are you living a life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?

….or do you act impatiently and impulsively? Do you gossip or speak rudely of others? Are you gentle and kind (even with those who you do not like)? Do you truly live your life in love and joy?

After a lot of research and deep soul searching, I have noticed that many religious people I know are not practicing their religion. I am not saying this to be controversial or harsh. They are simply not living up to the virtues that someone who practices a religion should. That’s not a subjective observation- it is objective. The proof is in their own actions.

Anyways, one of my biggest wake-up calls in my soul work journey is this: I am not a religious person, I am a spiritual person.

I don’t want to write too much my own particular beliefs because I know it can come across judgemental or disrespectful to someone who is deeply religious.

I don’t want to offend anyone about their religion or how I feel about religion myself. I truly respect and admire anyone who has found their true faith. That is a precious thing and I am deeply happy that you have found your truth.

However, I have yet to find a faith that connects with my soul. I believe in energy, faith, spirituality.

‘Universal One-ness’ (as hippie-ish as that may sound.)

I am not closed off to learning more about religions or exploring each religion’s unique view on the world.

My soul is still searching and I’ll continue to help it find the answers it seeks.

Why Religion & Spirituality Matter When You Do Soul Work

Because I don’t have a religion to base my soul work on, I base it on karma or ‘what goes around, comes around.’

Basically, I don’t want someone to hurt my feelings, so I will try to live accordingly to not hurt others’ feelings.

Peace is my priority.

Take your time figuring out how your soul resonates with religion and spirituality.

I was really hoping I could just ask myself ‘Am I a Baptist?”….”Am I a Catholic?”…. “Am I a Methodists?”….. yeah…. it doesn’t work that way.

You need to research, dig deep, learn about the religion(s). Then you need to make sure that they are truly on the same playing field as your soul.

I know this is hard because a lot of us just choose a religion or follow it because their family did.

You need to let your soul choose your religion. Don’t just go along to get along like “yeah, I like that religion. I’ll be that.”

You have to be brutally honest with yourself. Am I willing to live according to my religion every single day? Do I 100% believe in the teachings? Can I hold myself accountable to these principles?

This is the foundation for all the soul work you are going to do. You’re going to be matching your actions, thoughts, words & decisions upon your soul’s decision of this one important topic.

My Daily Habits

I wanted to know if the life I was living is the life I actually wanted to live.

That sounds so incredibly silly, but just think about it for a second.

How often do we let ourselves fall into bad habits and lifestyles? Now, think about how often do we step back and say ‘Woah. This is 100% not in-line with who I am‘.

Honestly, most of us just keep living our lives with these bad habits and then walking around feeling like a guilty shitbag.

Your soul is saying “Stop mistreating your body”, “Stop procrastinating”, “Stop filling your time with mindless activities that don’t benefit you”.

But we continue to binge eat while we sit on Facebook and neglect our daily obligations….. meanwhile, our soul is silently nagging us to stop.

This continual nagging in our soul ends up being a nasty tugging, dreadful feeling. Most of the time, we don’t know why we feel like this, so we just ignore it and keep on with our bad habits. Therefore completing the vicious circle….

Make Adjustments According To Your Findings

So, I decided to make 1 small change a week until I really feel like my soul and my daily life are in line.

I’ve started oil pulling to help restore my teeth, I created a laundry routine where I say ‘thank you’ to each piece of clothing as I fold it, I took all social media off of my cell phone to keep me from being distracted and remind me to live in the now.

Are these massive changes? No. Not by any stretch. But, by being real with myself, I realized that I have a lot of work to do. I just need to make small, manageable change so I don’t get overwhelmed and give up.

I highly suggest that you make a list of all of your habits and check in with your soul.

Do I want this to be a part of me? Does this make me feel good or fulfilled? Do I want to be known for this when I pass away? (I know, it’s morbid but it really does help you think…)

Pay close attention to your patterns and daily habits. What has helped you survive until this point may not be what you need to help your soul grow.

Soul Work for Self Preservation

Before we get to soul work on relationships or friendships, you need to be learn self preservation.

I see self preservation as a way of deciding who you allow into your soul and if you should even let them there to begin with.

The brutal honest, stone cold truth: some people do not deserve your soul, do not let them have unrestricted access.

Let me explain what I mean by self preservation.

If someone throws a book at your head, your natural instinct is to duck or dodge. You don’t want it to hit your head because you know it will hurt.

Relationships and friendships alike can feel like you’re facing a wall while 30 people throw books at your head. You don’t know what’s coming your way, so you don’t know how to react to avoid the hurt.

Sometimes, you stand still and let the same person continually throw an encyclopedia at your head…. some relationships even make you bang your own head against the book…

Be careful of what you let other people get away with. You’re teaching them how they can treat you.

Soul searching and soul work really helped me decide on a definitive line. It’s a hard line in concrete that no friend, family or significant other will ever be allowed to cross.

It’s certain behaviors any ways of talking to people that I just can not allow into my life.

As part of your soul searching and soul work, you need to decide on your lines and make a pact with yourself to stick to it.

Read my post about toxic people and their affect on your life force.

Make sure you are aware of what you have let into your life and if it needs to stay there.

Don’t be ashamed of something you let in years ago needs to go because it no longer serves you…. or it hurts your soul.

I’ve let a lot of toxic, negative, hateful people in my life. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. Users, abusers, cheats and fakes.

I can’t help it. I see good in everyone. I want to believe the best from them.

It’s important to remember that no amount of kindness or friendliness will rid a toxic person of their toxicity. Be polite, be kind… but let life be their teacher. Remove yourself from the equation.

But, once I set those lines, it really helped me decide what stays and what goes. Because at the end of the day, I have no room for a friend or relationship that is going to repeatedly damage me.

Life is short. I’d rather keep my circle small than put my soul at risk for unnecessary damage.

Never stop being a good person because of bad people.

And if your brain goes into ‘what if’ mode, remember this: behavior speaks. Do not let your brain float on the empty sounds of an apology. Trusting the apology will force you to become blind to the actions and behavior.

You have to learn self preservation before you can learn true self love. There are plenty forces in the world trying to tear you down, so you have to be strong enough to stand up against them all at once.

Relationships

Now that we unpacked self preservation, lets look at something our souls may need preserving against: relationships.

Are you a good spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you give as much to the relationship as you take? Do you truly believe that you are with the right person? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10? 50? Does your significant other understand you (or even try to understand you)? Do you feel grateful to have your significant other in your life or are they just ‘there’? Do you take the time to listen to and understand your significant other? Do they make you a better person or a worse person? Do you encourage each other to grow and develop or are you feeding each others’ bad habits?

Your Current Reality

I honestly can say that I am in a positive relationship with someone who helps me grow and encourages me to be me. We have really grown together a lot over the past year, so this was actually a pretty positive area of my life to explore.

I did come to the conclusion that I will try to be more affectionate towards Hunter. I often forget this because my love language is acts of service…. but his is physical touch and quality time. So in order to truly nurture our relationship, I do need to get better at that.

I also need to let him win more often when his extroversion tries to drag my introverted ass out of the house.

Your Relationship History

While I’d love to only look at my current reality, soul work is about all of it… not just your current reality.

So you have to look at relationships from the past.

*Yikes*

Nobody wants to recall memories with an ex. That’s just dredging up old junk that no one wants to think about.

But in reality, you need to address it because it’s a part of you.

Like I said, your past can cause you to become guarded, fearful, over-reactive.

In order to heal and give yourself a chance at a healthy, happy relationship… you have to look at your past.

What made you happy? What made you sad? What caused you to feel jealousy? Was there anything you would have handled differently on your end? Did you give yourself to someone before they deserved it?

You need to look at it all in a really brutally honest light.

Then, you need to let it all go. Learn what there is to learn, then release what you don’t need.

Forgive yourself for being clingy or too emotional. Forgive them for cheating and lying. Forgive yourself for being cold & distant. Forgive them for what they did in their fit of jealousy. Forgive yourself for being harsh & hurtful.

The relationship area is a tough step for a lot of reasons, but one of those is because forgiveness is hard.

I would love to hate my ex for the rest of his life for being a disgusting cheater, but I can’t. The only person that I’m hurting with my hatred is myself.

So, I reflected on the relationship, learned what I could from it and mentally thanked him for ‘single-ing me up’ so I could date the man of my dreams.

Until I started soul searching, I had no idea how much pain I had held onto from the past. Hurt, guilt, frustration, embarrassment, fear. Maybe not even from specific situations or people, just general circumstances left me feeling icky.

I had to learn forgiveness and forgetfulness.

Forgive them even if they are not sorry. Not because they deserve your forgiveness but because you deserve peace.

Forget stuff you’re holding onto that you cannot change. Forget the embarrassing moments and scenarios you recall to your head as you lay down to sleep. There’s nothing you can do about them now, so that’s wasted energy that could be used on something productive.

You also need to need to remember that those memories are embarrassing to you because of the way you remember them back then. But current you is not the same as you were back then. Chances are, you wouldn’t act that way anymore anyways… and if you would, it wouldn’t be embarrassing to you now.

Also, do you think those people even remember your embarrassing moment? You remember it because it happened to you… but how many times do you remember someone else acting in an embarrassing way? Do you continue to fault them? Do you think of their embarrassing moment often? Does it even matter?!?!

As you go through past relationships, learn and grow. Don’t dwell. Let yourself release all of the situations, events and feelings that are damaging or no longer useful for you to carry around.

You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

Your current relationship or future relationship deserves you. All of you. Healed from your experiences and willing to give your all.

Also, you deserve all of you. Free from your past and and unnecessary souvenirs you’ve picked up along the way.

Friendships

Are you a good friend? Are you supportive of your friends? Do you make sure that your heart is truly available to your friends when they need you? Do you give as much as you take from your friends? Do you talk behind your friends’ backs? Do you lie or manipulate your friends to feel or think a certain way? Do you go out of your way to make sure they know you love and appreciate them?

A lot of what I said about soul preservation and relationships are relevant to the friendships area, so be sure to keep an open mind and reflect on everything.

This is going to be a hard area for everyone to break down.

No one is perfect and no one is the ‘best friend ever’. We all have our own shortcomings and we’ve all mishandled situations…. but that’s not the aspect that we’re trying to discover.

We’re looking for a deeper answer to your friendships. Are you a good friend? Not ‘have you been the perfect friend?’…..

I went down a weird path when I was breaking down the friendship area of my life.

My brain and my soul fought like hell. My brain thinks ‘you’re the worst friend ever’ and my soul is convinced ‘you’re a good friend, you’re just awkward AF’.

I ping ponged back and forth between those two thoughts for forever.

I finally settled on a much more complex, but precise final answer:

  • I can be a good friend if I feel the other person is willing to reciprocate. I love deeply and care deeply for anyone I meet, but to be in my circle of friends, you need to love me and care for me as well.
  • I am an introverted mess, so sometimes meeting up is a challenge, but when we do, I’m all in. I want to know everything you’re thinking and how you are truly doing… you just might have to tug at me to get me out of my comfort zone. I don’t like leaving my mountain.
  • I suck at setting boundaries in my life, so I have to surround myself with people who are willing to set healthy boundaries from the start. Basically, don’t use me, abuse me, manipulate me, cheat me, BS me…. I tend to completely detach once I’ve felt this way.

I have very few friends. But the friends I have mean the world.

I’m an odd person to have as a friend. I could go 6 months without talking to you…. but if you call me at 4am and need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be there in a jiffy with a pizza and a box of wine.

I very rarely reach out first- unless I’ve had a weird premonition dream about you or I’m just deeply missing you.

Aside from the few people I’ve door slammed in my life, most of my friendships end with a ‘fizzle’. It’s not like we have some big blow out or there’s one particular moment when we weren’t friends anymore.

It’s just sorta like neither side was willing to give enough to make it work. Or maybe one side gave more than the other and they wore themselves out trying to save the friendship on their own.

I won’t lie to save face. I’m not a perfect friend. Looking back on all of the friendships in my life, I’ve been a shit. I’ve said stuff I shouldn’t have, I’ve acted harshly, I’ve been weak, I’ve been forceful. I’ve been the person who didn’t give enough effort and let a friendship fizzle. I know this about myself now.

The friendship area of soul work means being aware of how you’ve acted as a friend and taking notes. Touching base with your soul to see if that’s how you want to continue treating people. Then course correcting and asking for forgiveness if need-be.

Again, behavior speaks. So if you were wrong and want to fix things with a friend, don’t apologize. Ask for forgiveness, then change your behavior.

Be YOU for YOU not them

The most important thing I’ve learned is that not everyone is going to like me. I am not everyones’ cup of tea.

And that’s okay.

I have spent countless nights awake worrying if someone liked me, if they were talking crap about me…. what they thought about me.

Until I ran across a quote on Pinterest that helped me change my mindset.

Your life isn’t your own if you dwell too much on what someone thinks.

-Unknown (Sorry)

As an INFJ, I’m a people pleaser to a fault. I seriously let other people basically live my life for me…. for like 27 years.

But through soul work and lots of babbling self-talk, I’ve come to realize that other peoples’ opinions really don’t matter as much as I thought.

I’m not saying to ignore everything everyone else says. I mean, if you have 50 people in your life all say that you’re a selfish bitch. That’s a pattern and you should pay attention. It’s more than just someones’ opinion. Like, if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck… you might want to get your selfish, bitchy ass in check.

But if you’re staying up at night worrying about someone’s opinion of you, take a deep breath and break it down.

Is there any validity behind their judgement of you? Could their words come from a place of jealousy rather than true judgement on your personality? Does that person even have the whole truth to be able to form this opinion about you?

In most cases, the people who make snap judgements and ‘just don’t like you’…. are also the ones that are very detached from reality. They didn’t look at the whole picture and they didn’t get the truth…. and honestly, the truth wouldn’t matter to them anyways.

This was a hard truth for me to swallow. I used to always think that my side of the story needed to be told so all of the truth is straight. I have come to learn that I don’t care what someone chooses to believe. If they believe a mis-truth, that is really on them for not finding the truth… not on me for not shouting the truth from the rooftops.

Career & Success

What do you consider as success? Are you doing what you need to do in order to achieve your idea of success? Do you have a plan for your future? Do you enjoy what you are doing with your career? Is there anything you can do to increase your joy at work? Do your employers and co-workers treat you with respect? Do you give 100% when it comes to you career? Do you feel like your career is fulfilling? Does your career fit in with your purpose in life?

Most people will say ‘hell no’ to 90% of those questions.

I know I would have answered ‘No’ to all of those a year ago. I was miserable at work… and it showed in every area of my life.

I am beyond blessed that Hunter has been able to support us while I explore my career as a blogger, so I can answer ‘yes’ to most of those now.

However, I did have a heartbreaking realization that I was not giving 100%. I was allowing myself to procrastinate and get distracted far too often.

While I love it and wouldn’t change it for the world, working from home is hard! You have to be disciplined and structured…. and worst of all, you have to set boundaries (which I suck at).

You have to remove all distractions and have a plan. You have to constantly remind friends & family that even though you’re not ‘at work’, you’re working!

Since I have realized my shortcomings with work, I have finally started to see my true potential and it’s coming into arm’s reach. I have lots of work left to do, but this part of my soul work was incredibly helpful.

Some of ya’ll reading this may not have the freedom that I have with work, so I understand if you’re reading this thinking “wow… lucky brat! I have a family I have to support. I can’t just quit and work from home…

I truly understand.

I’m not saying that if you don’t like your job, just quit. I’m saying to adjust your attitude at work. See if you can make it an environment that you can you enjoy. Try to make it something that works (even if it’s just for the time being).

If it’s way off from what you want to do, decide on a goal to get where you want and make plans to get there.

Life is too short to do something you hate and you’d be shocked at what people get paid to do.

Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are right. So go for it.

Find the career that you can’t wait to wake up and do every day.

Just make sure that you are really searching your soul and connecting with it before you make any changes whatsoever.

Because ‘outer you’ will convince you that you want to be an astronaut or an English teacher…. but it can’t justify why.

My soul had an undeniably deep answer about why I need to blog. It’s the only way that I can express myself, connect with other people on an emotional level and possibly help others. Plus, writing makes me happy and pulls weight off my shoulders.

Writing for a newspaper or magazine just wouldn’t be the same because I enjoy writing long, rambling articles (hence this post…)

Anyways, just make sure that it’s your soul telling you to ‘go for it’. Your soul will be the part of you that is willing to put in the hard work to make it happen and keep going on the rough days.

So, listen to it. Make a plan and shoot for the stars. Don’t waste your talent and dampen your passion by doing stuff you don’t care about.

World Beliefs

Not everyone will dig this deep, but this was important for me personally.

It sorta goes along with religion… because it shapes your take on a lot of other things.

I used to spend a lot of my time watching the news. Like a lot.

I was so ‘this camp or that camp’, ‘this view or that view’. I saw everything as so divided. I saw the world as a scary place with people shouting each other down. Everything was burning and we were all doomed.

I was basically scared into thinking that people were bad, the world was full of suffering and scarcity. Basically, the world was going to hell in a handbasket.

Ugh, that thinking was so toxic.

My soul, being very spiritual, believes the opposite.

I believe that people are mostly good. The Universe is abundant. The world has changed so much…. but generally for the better.

Yes, there are bad people, bad circumstances and situations. But generally, the Universe is good and plentiful. People are generally loving and accepting. Situations are temporary and people can make a difference when they put their mind to something.

We’re not living a meaningless existence on a big floating rock. We are here for a reason and I believe that reason is to enrich each others’ lives.

I know this seems like an odd tangent to go on, but this was profoundly important for me on my journey to find my soul’s true intentions and feelings.

It’s so important to me to find my purpose in life. I dunno if it’s an INFJ thing or a pretty common mindset, but finding my purpose is my driving force.

So, it meant a lot to know that my soul doesn’t think like my ‘outer self’ and the world isn’t all doom and gloom.

You can say I’m wearing rose colored glasses or naive. But my soul believes that there is more good in the world than bad. Even if I’m wrong, I feel like it’s a much healthier way to live surrounded by optimism than pessimism.

How do you view the world? Your planet-mates? Is humanity doomed or can we eventually all strive for peace?

Your Soul Work Journey

I’d love to say that I just offered you a wealth of information that will change your life…. but I didn’t.

I shared my journey in hopes that it inspires you to dig around and figure yourself out.

You will have a totally different path, different techniques, different questions.

There is no wrong way to get right with your soul.

Do what feels right and what directs you to a place of inner peace.

I’d love to hear about your self awareness journey. How do you work on your self awareness? What are some of the techniques you use to adjust your mindset?

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I'm an INFJ- so I'm a walking contradiction with ADD and a heart the size of Texas. I live my life by the Law of Attraction and I love helping other people find inner peace.

4 Comments

  • Gina Lucia

    Loved this article. I’ve done this work in the past but called it my ‘core’, the core of who I am with everything else stripped away. I definitely didn’t go as deep as you though so perhaps it’s time for a re-visit.

    • BarbedWireandLace

      I love that! Core. Because that’s just the center of you that holds all of you together. I think I fell down the rabbit hole like Alice did. I didn’t mean to go that deep with it, but it was like a snowball and I couldn’t stop it! 😂

  • Law of Attraction Really Works

    Wow – I really resonated with pretty much everything you said! 😀
    Guess we’re both on a very similar journey. As you say, no one will ever have exactly the same perspective. But I have to say, you are one of the very few people who resonates so very closely with what I believe and am discovering through life experience. Glad to have bumped into you. Keep doing what you’re doing ‘cos it’s it’s really awesome stuff!

    • BarbedWireandLace

      So glad you bumped into me to! It’s a beautiful, confusing, scary but empowering journey. Breaking yourself down to build yourself back up. It is an incredibly strange thing to do… but wow! How impactful and life changing! Love that you are doing this type of work. It’s so important! Thanks again for your kind words! I appreciate you 💚

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